this compilation of summer night ufo songs was curated by my good friend mike. unfortunately he is no longer with us and this deeply saddens me. every time i pick up a guitar, i think about him...so i put it down. every time i hear a rad song, i think about him, so i turn it off. we were suppose to hang out and jam some news songs...which we haven't done in ages, a day before he passed away. so every time i go to write a new song, i think about him and i put my pen down.
i know mike wouldn't want this, he's probably sticking his balls on my shoulders as i write this....but it sucks that he's not here anymore...whether were talking like school girls on a daily basis or haven spoken in years. doesn't matter.... i will always remember and cherish each conversation we had and every time we hung out. see i guess i'm a dickhead to most people, so i don't have too many friends. but on the other hand.... i can faithfully count on my fingers of human beings that i give a shit about...and he was one of them. we became best friends first day i ran into him, which was right before a show my band was playing at..some skate park. even tho we had other things in common....music was our bond.
since i was 17 i've been in & out of bands... but i always wrote songs, for me, not for a band that i was in at the time... and truthfully most of my songs are about my brother who passed away when i was 19. i couldn't get over it, years of depression, sleeping my life away... i still haven't fully accept it, probably never will.... but i'm trying to.... and now i have the songs to remind me of my lost...they weren't made to be heard by others... but i still wrote them and record them with whatever mic and media format that was there. i made copies on cassette and cdrs of the first two "albums" for me to listen to. never no one else...only because half embarrassed and other half is me writing, making, singing whatever goofy shit i wanted to say at the time...so most people wouldn't get it or wouldn't want to.
over the years of sitting on these songs, i eventually ease up and let a few people hear these albums.... mike was one of them...and it was weird listening to your own music, knowing you like it because why wouldn't have created it...but to have someone like it just as much....it was weird. still is... i will never get use to that feeling but it's not a bad thing.
so from that moment on, i always bounced off songs, everything i ever recorded... in fact when he asked me that he wanted to put a cassette out of "best of" stuff... i was floored.... someone, my best friend, wants to waste his time, money and energy to put out a physical copy of my music out in the world....i was honored.
At the time he was down in tampa bay with awesome lo-fi, noise rock punk scene and started a record label called Teen Ape Records. He put out his 1st 7" of his stuff GHOST HOSPITAL, i believe i mixed those songs. and so i had time to gather up everything i recorded up to that point, which was 10 years worth of stuff...lots of cdrs and cassette tapes. Not only did he listen to every single song, but he liked most of them. he couldn't pick what 20 that would fit on a tape, we joked about making like 3 or 4 volumes. but he did finally decided what 21 songs to squeeze on the cassette tape.
and you know what i don't care if no one likes these songs or never listens to them... i like them and mike liked them too. so when i listen to this tape now...i don't shut it off. i think about him and yes i'm sad but i keep listening because it reminds me of him.... these were his favorite songs of mine...out of hundreds, he liked these ones the most. i wish he was still around so that i could return the favor. i fucking miss you man.
and it wasn't til a few days ago that i came across an article about coping with loss...that really made me understand things better. "bereaved people who make the most effort to avoid feeling grief, take the longest to recover from their loss". i'm gonna pick up the guitar one of these days and write some new songs for you.
and to this day.... out of all the bands i was in or the dozen of "albums" i made for myself and friends. this is the only music of mine that physically and officially released on any type format by a record label that wasn't mine or made up in my head. i will always be thankful for mike...doing something he didn't have to do, but wanted. i forget how many were made and i don't really care. however, they went by quick...i had a handful of them that i gave out to friends. He sold most of them on the interweb from terminal-boredom message board to a bunch of weirdos around the world. weeks after they sold out....he called to talk and tell me about three dudes...one guy from israel, another from australia and the other was from toyko. they bought them because of the name and mike's description on the msgboard. they wrote back to him, telling him that summer night ufo was their new favorite band and shit like that. i know its not thousands or millions of people....but just knowing that someone on the other side of the world is listening to a bunch of sad songs that i wrote and recorded in my cold basement....and loves them as much as i do. well only one person made that happen and i want to say thank you mike for making me feel like a rockstar when i had no intention of being one.
love you bro